Sticks 'n' Stones

Sticks and stones

may break my bones

but words will

never hurt me.

     What a bunch of horse shit.  Yet, how many of us sang that very song as we walked away from some bully as kids?  With an imaginary chip on our shoulder, we sing-songed through it and acted like we didn't care.  But, we did.  

     I can't really talk for you.  But, I can tell you, I cared.

     I mostly got made fun of for my name (you just have no idea how many nick names there are for "Elizabeth"), or my accent (I grew up between California and Kansas.  I never had the right accent in either state) or my weight.  

     I wasn't a fat kid.  I was active and played football, baseball, woofleball, hung from clothes lines, played Hide and Seek, Tag, swam vigorously and many more fun things to do outdoors.  But, genetics being what they are, I started to get a bit thick around 10 years old.  By 13, I weighed 136lbs.  This was a tough number for me, because it was the "heaviest" weight my mother had ever weighed ... and I was hitting it in 8th grade.  In high school, I fluctuated around 155lbs.  Looking back, I had legs of steel, a nice toned back and a soft, but mostly flat tummy.  It was just never good enough (in my eyes).

     Nick names like "gut" and "fat ass" played through my head when I looked at my body.  Or, worse, a comment made about the size of my clothes or shoes haunted me when I went up to the next size or the next. If I was fat two sizes ago, well, what did that make me now? Even years later, an insensitive comment might surface and pull back my sensitive self esteem.  I'm now 42 years old and weigh 221.  I'm down from 232 ... oddly I feel like I have to tell you that in order to justify that 221 somehow.  I've learned that children are just mean.  Plain and simple.  I am so thankful not to have grown up in the age of Facebook, Instagram, OoVoo, etc., where kids maliciously attack other kids even to the point of suicide.  The worst I had to deal with was whispering, a secret note being passed or flat out being called a name.

     At 42, I really don't care what people think of me.  Well, that's a lie to a point.  But, in place of my body, I want people to think I'm smart or a good mother.  I've learned I'm sexy no matter what weight I'm at and although I may not be able to wear everything on a rack, I find what suits my body best and go for it.  I have even finally forgiven those that made me feel smaller out of their ignorance.  I did, because, quite frankly, if you stay in the past, you just don't ever move forward.

     I know you were probably called names too, bullied or abused.  I want  you to know that I'm sorry that happened to you.  That I wish I could wipe away every bad word, painful experience or tear and replace it with encouragement, laughter and self-esteem.  It's much easier said than done, isn't it? Far too easily, some rude comment plays in the recesses of your mind when you try on clothes, or see yourself in the mirror.  

     You have to move forward, my friend.  You ARE beautiful.  Those that bullied you were WRONG.  There was NOTHING about you that should have been picked on.  When those nagging thoughts fill your mind and you begin to doubt yourself, you need to tell them to "shut up."  And, you also need to tell yourself that you are beautiful.  It may be hard to look at yourself and say those words.  But, you need to hear it.  And, if no one is telling you, then you need to say it to yourself.  Say it with confidence!  Say it with defiance!  Yet, say it.  And, accept it.

Challenge of the Day

Lay to rest all of the stupid, ignorant, mean, horrible, hurtful things you have been told by allowing yourself to believe in yourself and see yourself as the beautiful person you are.  Remind yourself that children are MEAN.  That kids (or unfortunately, some adults) said things through ignorance or their own self-esteem issues.  You didn't deserve it.  Ever.  Let it go... Believe in yourself.  Until next time ....

     

     

Embrace Your Curves

Yeah, that's not me.

This is a photo of a plus sized model from Plus Magazine.  And, I love it.  She's curvy, sexy, confident, beautiful and wearing killer shoes.

If I could give each and every one of you one thing, it would be to accept yourself.  I've covered that in one of my first blogs, but in this one, I want to take it a step further.  Yes, you accept yourself as a good person, but do you accept your appearance?

Oh, how I hate when someone says, "She'd be so pretty if she'd just lose a few pounds."  Or, "She has a pretty face."  So, what?  The rest of me isn't pretty?  I almost want to say, "Well, you'd be smart if you had half a brain."  Or, "You'd have a pretty face if yours wasn't so ... well, ugly." Ahh, but I take the high road and don't ever say those things out loud.

But, I do accept my body.  Sure, I get down on it every now and then when I feel like a beach ball.  But in the end, loving your body is more than accepting it when you are the "right size" (whatever THAT is).  And, my body has been good to me.  It is beautiful and sexy.  It is sensitive to touch and enticing.  It is mine.  And, although it's not where I want to be in the end, it's where I am right now and I'm thankful for it.

Your body is curvy and soft.  You have breasts, a butt, hips and a soft tummy. That's ok.  Your body is sensitive to touch, sexy and beautiful.  Artists have painted your body for centuries as the essence of womanhood.  And, hopefully you enjoy a healthy relationship with someone who views your body as the sexy, beautiful part of you that only he/she can aim to please.

If you want to be prettier, then take the steps to be prettier.  Get a good hair cut, learn how to wear make up, spray a light perfume and dress in a way that flatters your body.  Get your nails done, wear jewelry and accessorize your look with a nice purse or clutch.  No one looks great all the time, but take the time to look your best often.

Also, pamper your body.  Sink into a tub of bubbles, bath salts and surround yourself with candles and music.  Lay back and relax, letting that water soak your skin and soften every part of your body.  Shave your legs, arm pits and bikini area.  Apply lotion to your body afterwards and sink into something soft and cuddly.  Go get a massage, pedicure, manicure or facial.  Your body is the only one you've got so love it, pamper it and please it.

Finally, be confident in your sexiness.  Forget turning off the lights and hiding under a blanket to be intimate with your lover.  Leave the lights on, and enjoy each other physically and visually.  And remember, you are beautiful.  You are sexy.  You are confident.  You are woman.

Challenge of the Day
Love, pamper and please your body.  Take steps to improve your looks if you feel they need to be.  Allow your lover to enjoy your curves without hiding yourself from him/her.  Accept your body and your beauty.  Until next time ...

Fashion Police

                                     Photo Credit: 
Photo credit: 
The beautiful Melissa McCarthy's credit is tvlistings.zap2it.com and for the glamorous Adele is www.stylespectro.com.

So, there I was, at Ross.  I had been there for an hour thumbing through the myriad of clothes racks.
I had thumbed through a couple hundred of clothing items, tried on 24 pieces and had one in my cart.
Seeing the edge of the cutest shirt in the world, I picked it up and found it just might fit over my thigh,
but certainly wouldn't make it over my breasts.  Sigh.  Why are cute styles reserved for small sizes?

It seems like the larger the size of clothing, the tackier the style.  Garish animal prints, loud geometric
designs, bright colors and ruffles.  Good lord, who wears ruffles beyond elementary school? 
To top it off, designers use horizontal stripes (and we ALL know that's taboo!)
I also found lots of leggings, shorts and flowy tent dresses in a "one size" style.

Is that what I am reduced to wearing?

Tents?

Tacky, garish, loud patterns?

Ruffles? 

No, my friend, it's not. We aren't clowns.  We are women (and men) and deserve to dress beautifully.

I've added two photos above of two beautiful, sexy fat chicks that I admire greatly - Melissa McCarthy and Adele. 
Of course, they have their bad days.  They must, right? And, yes, I know ... they have stylists.
But, you can also learn from them.

Notice that although Melissa is wearing a bright color, she's also wearing vertical stripes.
Her jacket is cut at waist level so that the stripes give a slimming look to her mid area.
And, you know what? She's gorgeous.

Adele has gone for the simple, yet elegant black dress, stylish heels and stockings.  It's one line of color.
It's slenderizing.  It lengthens her body and it's classy.  Again, gorgeous.

Stay away from garish patterns that do nothing but make your body look bigger.
Don't wear leggings.  Don't believe me?  Google Walmart fashion and you'll never wear them again.
They are only flattering on skinny chicks, sorry to say.

If you have a stomach that hangs, then make sure your shirt covers the hang. It's still there, but it won't be the
center of attention.  And, for god's sake, it will cover that g-string or Granny Panties you're sporting should you bend over.  
Find a couple of nice, mid-length jackets to do what Melissa did above and slenderize your mid-area.

Stick with solid colors with a splash of color, if you want.  Black, navy blue, gray and browns all slenderize.
Black is the go-to for heavy women, but don't be afraid of color.  Just use it wisely like Melissa did.  
And, choose your pattern wisely.

Don't wear clothes that are too tight.  You may think you look thinner because you squeezed into a smaller size.
But, the truth is that you just look like you squeezed into a smaller size.  It's ok for your clothes to be your size.
Eventually, as you travel on your journey, they will get smaller.

IF you are going to wear capri pants, wear them with heels.  Wearing capris with tennis shoes is an optical illusion.
It makes the illusion that you have small stubby legs and draws attention to the rest of you.
Heels lengthen the look and overall, look more attractive.  If you have to wear tennis shoes, stick with shorts or pants.

As for those one size fits all dresses ... If I say "Mrs. Roper" you know exactly who I am talking about right?
You know exactly what her character dressed like.  Don't be known as Mrs. Roper.
Those dresses are great in the summer in moderation.  Don't wear them all the time, but as a splash of something different.

Challenge of the Day
Be your own fashion police.  Check out what other Fat Chicks are wearing. What works, and what doesn't.
Improve your look by being aware of it and making wise choices.  Until next time ...

When in Rome ...

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do"  by Ambrose

You are going to find yourself in situations where as much as you mean to, it is difficult to control the food around you.  Places such as company catered lunches for a day of training, for example, or a birthday party, etc.  So, what do you do in these situations?

... Do as the Roman's do.

The last company training day I attended catered a big salad, a huge red pasta concoction, a creamy pasta dish and flat bread pizzas.  It wrapped things up with a tray of Tiramisu and a selection of sodas. Not exactly the easiest environment to control given your selection, now is it?

But, that's life.  You will find yourself in these situations often.  So, what should you do?

Should you politely excuse yourself stating that you are on a "diet" and can't eat these things, rummage through your purse til you find your last Balance Bar and eat it while the other people at your table chow down?  No.  That draws people's attention directly to you and invariably to your body.  Who gives a rip what they think?  They don't need to know you are "on a diet." And, you don't need to put yourself in a situation of being the outcast, in the spotlight, different ... alone.

Plus, if you are a Lifer, do you really want to have to act this way in these types of situations for the rest of your life? Of course not.  So, you have to manage these situations and think through them.

Now, I have made no bones about the fact that I am not a fan of salad.  Give me a plate of spaghetti or a colorful salad with all the trimmings and I'll take spaghetti every time.  But, salad does have its place and it is healthy so unfortunately, can't be avoided.  There are times when it also can be a meal-saver.  

Get your plate and fill it half way with salad.  Give yourself the choice of one of the entrees.  Do you want the red or cream pasta or the flat bread pizza?  Just don't take all three.  Fill a 1/4 of your plate with that dish.  If you really want Tiramisu, it can take the other 1/4.  OR, skip dessert and have a double helping of the pasta to feel more full.  Drink a diet soda.  

This way, you eat like everyone else, you are not the center of attention (for something you'd rather not draw attention to) and don't feel like you're under a magnifying glass.  You also won't feel like you are sacrificing your food because you are "on a diet."  You will eat your meal, just like everyone else and feel better in the end. 

The trick is not to go back for seconds. I can't tell you how many times I've been in situations like this and found myself going up to the table again to get more ... <insert what it is that's calling you>  Many times, I've been the only one going back and it's embarrassing. 

So, how do you get around this?  Start talking to someone.  Eat your food slowly and get into a conversation.  Use that conversation as a shield to keep you in your seat until the speaker is ready to start class again.  This is harder at a party or family get together, but it's not impossible. And, when all is said and done, be damn proud of yourself for winning this battle, for staring down that second helping and kicking it to the curb.

Challenge of the Day
... Do as the Romans do ... but with wisdom and purpose.  Use conversations as your allies.  Fill your plate as well as you can and join your friends.  Then, stick to your seat.  If you are hungry later, eat that Balance Bar in your purse.  You can do this!  Until next time ...

A Year of Living Dangerously ...

The date was 1/1/2004.  I thought about what I might want to do for my New Year's resolution.  I couldn't face failing yet another resolution to lose weight.  So, I made the following resolution:

"I resolve to spend the entire year trying foods I always said I would never eat."

Yes, I was a picky eater growing up.  I liked ketchup but wouldn't dream of putting a tomato in my mouth.  I turned my nose up to mushrooms as I gingerly pulled every tiny tidbit out of my food before putting the bite in my mouth.  I hated fish unless  it was Fish 'n' Chips. I had a bad experience with spinach where I threw it up on someone so the  mere thought of eating spinach was enough to make me gag.

It was time to face this part of me that I had safely snuggled against and guarded.

So, I did just that.  Amazingly, it was the one New Year's resolution I truly did keep.  I tried tomatoes on cheeseburgers and in burritos.  I tried spinach both raw in salad and cooked.  I tried artichoke by itself and also in my sister's Spinach and Artichoke dip.  I ate Salmon for the first time.  I tried mushrooms - both raw and cooked.  What did I learn?

Well, I learned that I absolutely LOVE Salmon if it's well-done.  That revelation led me to trying other fish and I found I love Halibut, Mahi Mahi, Tilapia, Cod, Pollock ... wow, I love fish. Also, I like tomatoes well enough to add them into my diet, however, I would never eat one like an apple.  I've seen some people salt a tomato and go for it and that just grosses me out.  I like spinach raw in a salad but really don't care for it cooked.  That said, I could eat my sister's Spinach and Artichoke dip by the gallon.  Who knows why?  I don't, but it's delicious.  I hate artichoke otherwise though.  And, I really, truly, to my core hate mushrooms raw or cooked.  They disgust me and you couldn't pay me to eat them ever again.

The moral of the story?

Take a look at the foods you eat.  Think about the foods you always swore you'd never eat. Take a year to live dangerously and try these foods all over again.  You may find new favorites ... or confirm that you truly do detest something.  But, give it a shot.  You might be surprised!

Challenge of the Day
Take a year to live dangerously and redefine your food palate!

Of course you know ... this means WAR!

Photo credit: mylifelivedwithfat.wordpress.com

The soldier slid on her boot, fixed her beret so it sat perfectly on her neatly styled head.  She looked herself in the mirror and found no trace of the young, timid girl who once looked back.  No, that girl was gone - left to play Barbies in her memory.  In her place stood a warrior, with a resolute chin and determined eyes.  Someone who had become stronger physically and mentally.  Her course was straight.  Her aim on target.  She is a soldier.  And, she's ready to fight. She joins the other soldiers on the battle field all standing together in unity to face the "Battle of the Bulge."

Don't EVER underestimate yourself.

You are in a FIGHT and are a SOLDIER!  A WARRIOR!  A guiding force that WILL change your reality. YOU have the ability to stand FIRM, face OPPOSITION and WIN!

Even if that opposition is YOURSELF.

My beautiful, beautiful fellow Fat Chicks ... remember that this is not a game.  This is not a freakin' diet.  This is not a joke.  This is a WAR.  You must guard yourself at all times.  Guard yourself from weaknesses, from places that are difficult to stay on course, and from other people.  Guard yourself from those people that would knock you down or try to demean what you are doing in your life.  Note, I did NOT say what you are TRYING to do in your life, but what you are DOING!

Yes, you may have "tried" before.  They know it.  You know it.  They may roll their eyes at you or worse, say things to you that cut you down.  But, you STAND TALL.  They will EAT their looks and their words as you prove steadfast and consistent.  You will NEVER be perfect.  Anyone who thinks they will be is unrealistic.  But, you CAN BE BETTER - you can be HEALTHY.

And, be prepared to support the other warriors you know.  Join together with friends and family who are determined to change their reality and fight for themselves.  Encourage one another!  Congratulate each other!  Be there when one of you feels down.

Remember, my program is not to make you jump into the mind set of a Triathlete.  They can easily eat few calories a day and go work out every day for a couple of hours.  Their bodies are ripped, and conditioned for their day to day reality.  IF you try to jump into their reality directly from your reality, you will fail.  I'm sorry, but it's true.  Why?  Because it's too big of a jump and few people truly have a Triathlete's mind set - especially someone who's struggled with their weight.

That's why my program is about being a LIFER.  It's about taking your health into steps to eventually be where you want to be.  It's about acknowledging your reality.  It's about accepting yourself for WHO you are right now.  Not who you will be when you lose xx amount of pounds.  And, it's about WAR.  Gear up Ladies.  Support one another!  Steel yourself to face this battle every day until the day comes that it is no longer a battle.  Where you have WON by altering your reality.

You can do this, Soldier!

Challenge of the Day
FIGHT for yourself!  Become a WARRIOR in your life.  Become your HERO.  Be steadfast and consistent.  Be supportive of our other warriors.  And move on!  Until next time ....

At the Movies

As I walked in, the sickeningly enticing smell of movie popcorn swirled around my body, up my nose and pulled away beckoning me with its tantalizing fingers and motioning for me to come right this way.  I glided across the floor, the tips of my toes seeming to drag behind me as only they touched the floor.  It pulled me up to the cash register where a pimply faced teenager cheerfully offered to help me.  I found myself ordering a medium popcorn.  Pimple-faced teenager with a name tag that said, "Chad" offered to let me upgrade my order to a large for a mere .25 cents.  How could I pass it up?  My new best friend, Chad, then offered to put butter on the popcorn.  Unable to speak, I simply nodded my head, while a small amount of drool slid out the corner of my gaping mouth.  "Can I get you anything else?" asked Chad.  I pointed to peanut M&M's and a Coke (which we upgraded to a large for another .25 cents, because you know, it's refillable).  "That'll be $24.50, " my Chad said with a sparkling smile and twinkle in his eyes.  I laid down the money, and carried my goods to the movie theater where I chowed down.

Ok, I'm exaggerating, but seriously, going to the movies is serious business. There are certain places we Fat Chicks need to be on alert and ready to fight.  Buffets are Enemy #1, followed closely by the movies.

A small movie buttered popcorn is about 370 calories - that's 6 CUPS of popcorn.  A medium movie buttered popcorn jumps up to 800 calories - that's 10 CUPS of popcorn. A large movie buttered popcorn has 1640 calories for 20 CUPS of popcorn.

We don't think about how much is in that bag, do we?  We sit with our eyes transfixed on the screen, shoveling handful after handful of that rich, buttery popcorn into our mouths without really thinking about how much we are eating.

To put this into perspective, on My Fitness Pal, my daily goal of calories is 1800 calories a day.  IF I were to eat a large bag of buttered popcorn, god forbid I then eat dinner!

We all know that candy is a killer.  But, we don't walk into a movie theater and get slammed in the face with a chocolate smell, do we?  No, it's the popcorn.  Since we are talking about candy, though, I would recommend you buy your candy at the store before going to the movies.  The last time I went, I got Skinny Cow candy bars.  They are little, but delicious and only 110 calories each.  Not bad.

That soda is a killer too, by the way.  Stick with diet drinks or GASP! water.  How I hate spending $5 for a damn water, but it's cold and has no calories and good for you too.

As I've said from the beginning, take steps to make changes in your eating habits so that your reality becomes a different "norm."  I'm certainly not going to tell you to buy UN-buttered popcorn (gag!) but think before you purchase.  Get a small bag of popcorn - that's 6 whole cups!  A couple of Skinny Cow candy bars and you've blown TOPS 400 - 600 calories.  Now, that's not chump change, but if you manage the rest of your day, you can consider it a treat and just move forward.

Oh, and Chad?  Don't let that kid talk you into upgrading your order.  He's just repeating back to you what has been repeated back to him to make sales.  He really doesn't care if you get a small, medium or large, but has to ask.  This is one of those moments when you tell yourself "NO" and look him in the eye and say, "No thanks, a small's fine."  He'll push it ... "are you sure?"  Just nod your head yes.  Believe me after the movie, you'll feel good about not eating a full day's worth of calories in two hours.

Challenge of the Day:
Be prepared when putting yourself in a situation where it's easy to slip up and over-eat.  Guard your mind in advance.  Pick out your snacks before you enter the realm of temptation.  And know what your goal is before you let the smell of that popcorn lift you off your feet and drag you to Chad.