!@#$% Thigh Gap!

Photo Credit: Totallyloveit.com

Have you heard about this?

Not only do we have to worry about having a flat stomach, perky boobs, full butt, toned legs and arms, but NOW we have to worry about whether we have Thigh Gap.

WTH??

If it wasn't enough that I have to worry about all these other things, I now need to worry about whether I have a GAP where my thighs meet up with my coochie-coochie-coo?

Good Lord.  

When I lived in California, I would see women stand like this all time:

Photo Credit: agefotostock.com

I saw that a lot.  And, not just on celebrities but on co-workers, or teen age girls waiting to get into a restaurant.  Man, I can't even stand right.  How the hell are they going to have their thigh gap standing like this?!

This will be the demise of society, and we all know it.  I hereby make the decree that with all the suffering in the world, starvation, bombings, natural disasters, governmental disasters, terrorists, child abuse, and mental illness,  you better damn well stand right and have a friggen gap up by your coochie-coochie-coo if you are going to fit in with society.

Damn, how do I even add taking the measurement of that area to my list of measurements every month?  My measuring tape? I couldn't stand with legs crossed to do that.  A ruler?  What if my gap is wider than a ruler? What if my ruler disappears?

Who am I kidding?

Do I need to just say it?

What IDIOT got it in their heads that women/girls should stand like this and mandate we have a gap up .... well up there?  How many teen age girls are going to become anorexic because their gap isn't wide enough?  What happened to women being soft creatures and curvy?  I doubt Marilyn Monroe had a friggen thigh gap and yet, isn't she the epitome of feminine sexiness?

Ignore this, fellow Fat Chicks.  Don't you DARE allow yourself to look at your crotch and think, "if only I had a thigh gap."  And, I better not see you standing on the corner with your legs crossed ridiculously like that.  Hell, if it was me, I'd fall over.  I'm more concerned that I don't rub my thighs raw rather than if I have a gap there.  (As for the rubbing raw, wear a pair of work out shorts under your pants and you won't rub raw).  

We are better than this superficiality, Ladies.  Goodness, even if I could pull off a thigh gap and cross my legs like I have to pee all the time, where in the world would I ever wear such a cute short dress and stylish shoes?  I don't think that look works at the grocery store.

We are REAL, Ladies (and Gentlemen).  We are not this superficial spectacle on the news (on the news!!) that is being put in front of us.  Don't buy into it.  Don't wonder if your legs are good enough because of a gap.  Just be you.  Good ol' glorious, beautiful YOU.

Challenge of the Day:

Find a way to measure your thigh gap standing with your legs crossed , standing on your head, wearing a hot black dress and heels.  OOOORRR, just be you.  Until next time ....

Target Zones

Photo Credit: 80smuscle.blogspot.com

I can't tell you how often I've been spurred to action that I wanted to start doing some basic exercises like sit ups or crunches right before bedtime.  So, I would start doing like 50 a night.  Inevitably, some ultra fit person would say to me, (hands on hips, raised eyebrow) "Well, you know you can't target zones to lose weight."  And, in that moment, I would feel like well why the hell was I even making an effort if it doesn't matter?

Sucks, huh?

In that one good-intentioned moment, they would knock me out of that spurring to action and back to going to bed like normal.  Here's what I think ... I think that stud who arrogantly popped a hole in my balloon of good intentions meant well.  See, he was thinking like a "skinny chick" (I like the idea of him thinking like a girl so I'm not going to change that).  He had the mindset of a Tri-athlete.  No, he wouldn't target any zones, because he worked his zones all the time.  He was ripped, he was tanned (ala George Hamilton), he was wearing a scrawny tank top, and was oiled just perfectly enough that each chest hair curled on its own.

Yeah, I'm exaggerating, but you get the picture, right?

A Fat Chick CANNOT jump into the mindset of a Tri-Athlete!  We physically can't do it and doom ourselves to failure each and every time we decide to take it on.  Of course, he was right, it isn't about targeting zones.  It's about living a healthy life style.  It's about consistency and working your whole body.

But, does that necessarily mean that you can't target a zone?

Of course not.  You can't target a zone if that's all you target.  But, doing some crunches before bed, or side twists after using the bathroom, or cooking on one foot, whatever it is you do that targets an area is not for nothing!  It builds strength and will help to tone that area.  Of course you need cardio, watch your food, and work out regularly, but don't for a minute think your efforts to do SOMETHING in place of NOTHING are without merit.

And, if you want to oil up, get tanned, wear a scrawny tank top ... don't be surprised to find your picture in my next blog .... just kiddddddding!

My next few blogs will target some exercises you can do.  I hope they are easy for you, but if not, pull back a little.  And, of course check with your doctor before starting any exercise routine, blah, blah, blah.

Challenge of the Day:
Do SOMETHING in place of NOTHING and ignore the 80's throw-back, stud who can't think like YOU. Until next time ...

Water Weight Gain

I know about water weight.  I'm a girl, after all.  All of us chicks (fat or skinny!) experience bloating every month.  But, you know what? Even though I know this, I fell prey to water weight gain's evil curse last month. I weighed in at a whopping 3.8lbs more than expected.  Crap!  I wanted to throw that evil, sneering scale into the wall.

But, no.

I gave myself a few days and the weight fell off like magic.  It was great.  But, I didn't trust it.  Know what I mean?  Like some evil fairy had pulled back some pounds when I weighed in and then would magically plop them back on my mid-section by morning.

I thought I would give you all some facts about this menace to society, to women's self-esteem everywhere!  This nemesis to fitting into a bathingsuit by summer!

Go to war!
Instead of throwing the scale through the wall or creeping back under the covers, let's go over how to tell if that jump on the scale is real weight or water weight.  According to "Real Weight Vs. Water Weight" (http://www.truelemon.com/live-healthy/nutrition/608-real-weight-versus-water-weight.html) you can tell if your weight jump is real or water if you have have gained more than half a pound since the day before. Check this out from the article:

If you have kept track of your body fat percentage with a body fat monitor, you can   compare your current percentage to your results from a month ago. If the new measurement is greater than before, you’ve gained fat. If your body fat percentage has decreased but your weight has increased, the weight gain is not from added fat.

Check your extremities: are your hands, feet and ankles puffy? If yes, it is likely that your gain is water related. When you are retaining excess water, you might also notice imprints in your skin left by your socks, or your wedding ring may be tighter than usual.

Many possible causes exist for retaining water, including too much salt, sugar, dehydration, too much alcohol, dieting and women’s monthly cycle. Among other tips, if you are concerned about water weight, make an effort to drink more plain water. While it seems like the opposite of what you need to do, drinking 8 to 10 glasses per day will help flush sodium and excess fluid from your system. A well-hydrated body is healthier and is less likely to retain water.

So, don't freak out if you suddenly jump on that scale.  If you are being a Lifer and not a Dieter, it will all work out in the end.  One day or a few of being a little higher won't kill you.  

Challenge of the Day:

Less salt!  More water!  Get it?? :) Until next time!

Sleep Apnea

photo credit: www.stopobesityforlife.com

The stories were laughed about at holidays ... how my Mom thought there was an earthquake in the middle of the night and came running down the hall ... only to find me snoring; my young son waking me up terrified, "Mommy!  You're making scary noises again!"  My ex-husband wearing ear plugs to sleep with me.  My sister not being able to sleep in the next room so crawling into my parents' bed to get away from my snoring. It had become a joke.  An embarrassment.  A fact of life.  Then, a worried friend took me aside and said the one thing that changed everything...

"I think you're stopping breathing and I'm worried about you."

Huh?

And, so, I took the magical step and had a Sleep Study done.  I imagined a white sterile room, with a small army cot behind two-way mirrors while a team of doctors stood by and watched me snore.  They would nod their heads and mutter, "Ummmm, hmmmm" and write something in their tablet.

It wasn't like that after all.

I went to the clinic and I was led to my bedroom.  That's right, a cozy, comfy bedroom with an adjoining bathroom.  There, they put this tooth-paste-like stuff in my hair and attached electrodes to them.  The electrode wires ran down my entire body, down my legs and arms and yet was done in a way that if I had to drop my drawers, I could.  They put a Pulse-ox on my finger and explained if I was showing signs of Sleep Apnea, they would put this mask over my head.  I laughed and said there was no way I could sleep with one of those things on.

Then, I went to bed. 

I vaguely remember getting up to use the bathroom (yeah the pants really did drop down with all the electrodes still attached).  Even more vague, I kinda remember being sat up and a mask sliding over my face.  Three hours later, I woke up feeling like I could run a mile.

Here's what I learned:

1. I stopped breathing 49 times in 1 hour.
2. My legs moved constantly (Restless Leg Syndrome).
3. My blood oxygen level dropped to 86 (should be in the 90's.  80's are stroke zone).
4. In 3 hours, I got 10 minutes of REM sleep.  (You should get 1 full hour of REM sleep for every two hours of sleep.  This is where your body rests, de-stresses, heals, grows)

After they put the mask on me:

1. I stopped breathing 0 times in 3 hours.
2. My legs didn't move position once.
3. My blood oxygen level stayed in the 90's.
4. I got 1 full hour of REM sleep in 3 hours.

I can't stress enough to get a sleep study done if you suspect you might be an excessive snorer or that you are stopping breathing.  There's a chance, when I lose all of my weight, that I will not have Sleep Apnea. At that time, I'll gladly trade in my mask for some Victoria's Secret.  Until then, I slide on my "scuba mask" every night and go diving ... into a great sleep.

Challenge of the Day:

Get yourself a Sleep Study done if you suspect you may have Sleep Apnea.  It's not the sexiest look, but you can look sexy and THEN put on your mask :)  Until next time ....

Slippery When Wet

Photo credit: www.thekickasslife.com

She can hear him washing up in the bathroom.  If she could just lift her head, she could juuuust barely see his beautiful body as he moved around.  Through a field of eye lashes, she dreamily watches for him and sighs with quiet contentment at how relaxed she feels.  She lays naked, entwined in her sheets as if in a lover's embrace.  Her hair lays matted and wet, coiled against her skin.  Her smooth skin glistens with beads of sweat.  One lone bead slips down her back and she feels it slowly slide down and rest in the small of her back.  She breathes in the heady, musky scent of their love making, stretches her body and closes her eyes in the satisfaction that can only come from the best stress reliever known to man.

SEX

Oh yeah, you knew this would come up eventually didn't you?  The best exercise EVER! Not only does it relieve stress, but it also burns quite a bit of calories.  The following statistics are taken from Women's Day's article called, "Sexy Ways to Burn Calories" .... did you know ....

1. Kissing burns 68 calories an hour.
2. Undressing burns 8+ calories total.
3. Massaging burns 80+ calories per hour.
4. Having sex burns 144+ calories per half hour.
5. Giving oral sexy burns 100+ calories per half hour.
6. Using your hands burns 100+ calories per hour.
7. Romantic dancing burns 103+ calories per half hour.
8. Making out burns 238+ calories per half hour.

If you'd like to read the article in Women's Day, here it is:  http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/sex-tips/8-sexy-ways-to-burn-calories-110923

If you are not in a relationship, or one where you don't have sex anymore, all is not lost.  In general, masturbation burns 25-30 calories every 20 minutes and an orgasm blasts about 100 calories. (source: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_calories_do_you_burn_while_masturbating)

Challenge of the Day:
Get your freak on!  Go burn some calories in the absolute best way known to man!  Have fun, be safe, and work that beautiful body!  Until next time ....

Walking Between Raindrops

photo credit: www.dreamstime.com

Imagine, if you will ... a girl wearing a bright, yellow raincoat stepping gingerly over puddles as rain pours down all around her.Her matching yellow umbrella sits just inches from her head as she attempts to avoid getting wet.  

Suddenly, she realizes that she is NOT wet.  Not one drop of water has hit her umbrella, raincoat or galoshes.  She holds her tiny hand out to catch a raindrop but it stays dry although the drops fall all around her hand.  She moves her hand to try and capture at least one wet raindrop but as she moves, the raindrops scurry out of her way.

She lowers her umbrella and watches in amazement as the drops fall all around her and yet, never hit her.  She begins to walk, then run, skip and dance in the rain without a single drop touching her.  She throws her umbrella to the side, peels off the raincoat and galoshes and frolics in the downpour unscathed.

Then, she feels it..... one drop on her bottom lip hanging on as if for dear life before it plummets to the ground.  She turns her face heavenward and in an instant, the clouds darken and coil angrily waiting to strike.  She sucks in her breath as fear grips her chest.  The sky opens and unleashes a torrent of rain.  And, just as suddenly as she was dry ... she is now soaked to the skin and running through the rain, slipping in the mud and wondering where, oh where is her umbrella?  raincoat? galoshes?  She is left unprotected, soaked and cold as she hurries home.

That story pretty much sums up the past two weeks for me.  I was doing just fine, using My Fitness Pal, exercising, seeing my weight drop gradually and then it happened.  I had logged for 70 days straight on My Fitness Pal which is the longest I've ever logged.  I was proud of it, dare I say a bit arrogant?  Then, one day about two weeks ago, I went to enter my food and it was already filled in.

WTH?

I had mistakenly logged my food on the NEXT day instead of the CURRENT day and therefore, broke my streak.

Seems like such a small set back.

But, it wasn't.

I tried to pull it back together but I kept missing an entry or day and missing the accountability.  I wound up gaining back 3.8lbs in two weeks.  Considering I'm only losing 3-5lbs per month, that's huge.  That storm dumped right on my head and I've had a hard time pulling it back together.  I have purposefully not measured.  I don't want to know what 3.8lbs has done to my measurements.  I know that if I don't pull things together, in six months this will be just another failed diet ahhh-gain.

So, I am letting you all know what's going on (Accountability).
It's no one's fault but my own (Ownership)
I started back on My Fitness Pal (Progress)
I bought goggles to start swimming soon (Planning).
I'm giving myself til this Saturday before I measure again (Being a Lifer instead of a Dieter).

I'm picking myself up, throwing up my umbrella and continuing my journey.

Challenge of the Day:
How is your storm?  Are you walking between raindrops, getting drenched or protecting yourself as you make your way through the downpour?  I recommend you protect yourself... and if you screw up, keep going.  Until next time ...

Shout Out to SWEDEN!
Tack för att du läser min blogg! Jag faktiskt talar lite svenska och har en god vän från Helsingborg. Jag har alltid velat besöka ert vackra land. Tack för ert stöd. Tills nästa gång!