One Girl to Another

Demi Lovato

thats-thewayilovedyou.tumblr.com

I just love Demi Lovato. When she first burst onto the scene with her mega-watt smile, I rolled my eyes and thought how phony she looked.  Then, it came out she was cutting herself.  Next thing she was in a rehab.  Then, she came out with Skyscraper.  And, I became a fan forever.  Now, her music is a bit young for me but the courage, strength and yet, weakness and frailty she showed in that song told me that this girl was REAL.  Genuine.  And, I love her.  In that song, I related to her.

"Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect."

Wow.

I remember back in high school, I weighed at most 155lb.  I wasn't the coolest chick, but I seemed to know everyone and can't think of many, if any, enemies.  I liked so many guys, and a couple even liked me back.  I dated two of the greatest guys ever in my school.  I did well academically because I loved learning.  I loved languages and would study them on my own.

But, in the quiet of my world, I didn't really like who I was.  Not really.  I felt fat, although I had legs like concrete, and my whole body was toned.  What made me feel fat was that I had a soft tummy.  A friend of mine who was a cheer leader once showed me a Sadie Hawkin's photo of her sitting on her boyfriend's lap.  

"Do I look fat?" She asked me quietly.

I looked at her and without blinking, said, "Everybody bends."

It gave her what she needed in that moment.

But, I couldn't give myself such leniency.  I would go to bed and feel my little belly and cry.

I didn't like how my breasts developed. I was embarrassed of them.  They weren't these perky boobies pointing to the sky.  And, that's what I wanted.  I hated them for many years.

I got stretch marks on my boobs, hips and thighs during my teen years. I felt so ugly when I would see them. Who would ever think I was beautiful with so many scars?

On top of that, I had acne on my face, shoulders, arms and back.  That's right, my younger sister used to actually sit and COUNT the number of zits on my back.  I had scars from them.  I felt disgusting.

Then, I grew up.

The acne went away for the most part.  I might get one or two before my period, but my arms, shoulders and back are clear now-a-days.  I had two babies so I got stretch marks on my belly - which isn't quite so small.  My old stretch marks faded.  They are still there, but I really don't notice them anymore.  I learned that no one (but me) expected me to look like a model.  My boyfriends haven't cared about stretch marks.  In fact, they usually have some. Guess what? I didn't care.  I didn't care because I cared for them as a person.  Not whether they had a stretch mark or two. And, they felt the same about me.

My boobs finished developing and yeah, I do wish they were shaped a bit differently.  But, honestly, they've been good to me.  They've been beautiful to the right people.  They've fed both my boys.  And, in the end, I can still fill out a halter top like nobody's business.

My belly has been the tough one for me.  Had I kept up with the life style I had in high school, I probably wouldn't have wound up looking like Alfred Hitchcock, but I did.  It's slowly going down.  Guess what?  I'm still pretty even though I have a belly.  I can lose it as long as I stay on the path I'm on right now.

It's especially hard if you go to school with tiny girls who wear next to nothing.  These size 0 girls who wear short shorts, belly baring tops and seem so ... perfect ... well, they aren't.  It may seem that way now, but believe me they have their issues too.  You don't have to be size 0 or dress like that.  Just be you, in all your glory.

Part of being able to be healthy in your head is to accept who  you are.  It's the hardest during your teen years.  Believe me, I know first hand.  But, I'm here to tell you girls that you are beautiful.  I don't care how heavy you are, you are beautiful girls.  If you don't like how your body develops, understand you are not done yet.  And, you may just wind up liking yourself in the end.  If hindsight is 20/20, I can see my teen years crystal clear and wish I could have seen myself then as I do with my 42 year old eyes.  You can't see hindsight on your teen years yet.  One day, you will and will know how beautiful you are right now.

Challenge of the Day.

Give yourself a break.  Know you are beautiful, right now, right here.  You will someday be able to look back and know this without a doubt.  Until then, let yourself develop and take the steps to be healthy.  Be happy and know you are beautiful.  Until next time ...

Megan Fox

Megan Fox

www.digitalspy.com

I don't know about you ... but when I've lost ALL my weight, I'm going to look like Megan Fox.

Ok, so she's a brunette ... I'll be a BLONDE Megan Fox.

So, I'd have to get my lips injected to EVER have a pout like that...

I could still bend over a car .... and ...

Oh, who am I kidding?

I will never be Megan Fox or ever look like her in the slightest way.

Guess what?  

That's ok.

I don't need to look like her.  She's gorgeous, yes.  She's married to a hottie, yes.  Men fall all over themselves around her, yes.  But, let's face facts.  

I'm 42, been a mother for 16 years and have the stretch marks and boobs to prove it.  So, I need to be realistic about what my end goals are all about.  My first goal is to be under 200 lbs.  The following picture is the closest I can come to showing me like that ...

That one really IS me.  It was taken in 2006 for a dating website that I belonged to at the time.  I needed a profile picture, turned my head and snapped probably the best picture I've ever taken besides my modeling shots on my little cell phone.  I weighed 187lb in this picture.  I felt healthy, toned and sexy.  I was gorgeous but naive about it as I had been so heavy for so long.  A couple of stalkers later and I wasn't as naive.  This is the best I ever was in my adult life and I'd like to get back there.

I weighed in this morning at 220, down from 232, so I'll have to lose another 33lbs to reach this goal. In my head, that might as well be 400 lbs.  Know what I mean?  I've got to think even smaller.

So, I've come to the point that my next goal is to be below where I am right now.  I'm at 220.  I'd like to be 219 or 218.  Talk about a small goal!  My hope is to be one of those numbers by the end of March.  I can do this... it's realistic. Right?  I'm not asking to turn into Megan Fox in two weeks.  No, I just want another dent.  And, maybe a part of my chin back.  I had a lovely chin, I did.  I'll find it one day again soon, I promise.

But, my head thinks - no, no, NO .... your REAL goal is 187lb!  And, then, it's 150lb!  That would put me back in high school weight and I have to say I looked gooood back then.  Wish I had known it then.  For all the teenage girls reading this ... no, save it, I'll write to you guys personally next.

Someday, I will be at a healthy 150lb.  Big Bit says I should be about 120lb tops.  God I love that man, but 120lb in my head might as well be telling me grow another leg.  I remember 150.  I can visualize it.  It seems almost possible though very far away.  120lb was like, 6th grade for me.  I just can't imagine it and honestly, I don't want to.  I have no intention of being a stick.

My point?  Be realistic about your goals.  Aim for something that's actually feasible.  Make small goals to eventually meet that goal.  If you are a Lifer and not a Dieter, it will come in time because you will be living the lifestyle, not playing with it.  VISUALIZE yourself meeting your goals!  Look at an old picture of you where you liked your body.  Never did?  Then, look at one where you were "passable" (in your eyes) and imagine getting there again.  The goal after that may be smaller, healthier, more toned, and sexy.  It's OK to think like that.  It's healthy.  It's motivating.  You can do this!

Challenge of the Day:
Be realistic in your goals.  Visualize what you want to look like.  Make small goals - even tiny goals - to eventually meet your long term goals.  And, let's all give Megan Fox a break - she has to have a bad angle somewhere! :) Until next time, my fellow Fat Chicks!

SWAGGER

I see them coming down the street... they wear their baseball cap, hoodie over their large T shirt, boxers out the top of the pants, low slung jeans tied with a shoe string for a belt, sagging low, with impeccable shoes. Their hands are in their pockets or texting on their phone.  They greet one another with a quick nod.  As they walk past me weeding my yard, I stop to stare at them.  One of them gives me a quick nod and looks away.  The other one is texting and doesn't even notice me.  The other one has his head back, Adam's Apple pushed out, and I have to say, has swagger. The other glides by effortlessly on his skate board, back arched with just enough coolness to say he knows what he's doing on a board.  

I was just never that cool.

Attitude.

We know they have it, right?  They are dripping in it.  As adults, we roll our eyes, but you can't deny they are soaked in attitude from the sticker on their cap to the soles of their shoes.  But, attitude goes way beyond being cool.  It motivates or un-motivates.  It sends someone head first into a dream or holds them back to lay on their bed depressed. It lands someone in jail or keeps them sitting in a corner at a party avoiding talking with other people.

It's the story of the guy that wins the race but only has one leg.  He shouldn't have won.  He shouldn't have been faster.  Yet, he was.  He nailed it and blew away the competition.  Why?  Because prior to running that race, he spent time - weeks, months, years, a lifetime training and cheering himself on.  When everything told him he couldn't do it, HE told himself he could.

You see the same thing with people who seem to have everything handed to them and yet, seem to fail no matter what they try.  Certain celebrities come to mind that continue to get in trouble though they are millionaires and can buy anything they want.  But, they are not respected because they live their lives with a sense of entitlement that normal people find rediculous.  When everyone told them they could do anything and everything they wanted, they did so without thinking.  Their attitude was more in line with a WTF attitude.

Then, there is the person who negatively tells herself that she can't do it.  She isn't good enough.  She isn't as pretty as the next girl. She allows herself to find solace in food, in pulling back from outings, in wearing tents and sleeping all the time.

My fellow, beautiful Fat Chicks ... remember that your attitude is probably the most important thing you can have to make you a success at WHATEVER it is you try and do - your weight, health, job, relationships, etc. Sometimes you are pushed down by what other people say or do.  God, they can be inconsiderate, can't they?  But,it's more important how you handle it, then what they did or said.

Be your own cheerleader.  Root yourself on when no one else is!  And, if they are, well, ALL THE BETTER!  Because that's what loving someone is about - loving them for the person they are, and not how much they weigh.  But, it starts with you.  Do you have swagger?  Get your swag on Ladies!

Challenge of the Day:
Get your swag on when facing your nutrition and exercise routine.  Be your own cheerleader! Tell yourself YES when other people aren't saying that to you.  You can do this!! Until next time...

My Theory on Why People are FAT

It's 5:45pm as I exit the Freeway, after an hour and a half in Rush Hour traffic (I didn't see anyone rushing). What a long day at work... I'm tired, my mascara's smeared, my neck aches and my night is just beginning.  I pull up at my house and honk the horn twice.  My two boys come running out of the house and tumble into the car talking about the latest video game they have played.  They buckle up and we are OFF. 

We have After School Night at 6:30pm, they are "starving" and need hair cuts.  Plus, I need to go grocery shopping since we are low on groceries, bead some jewelry and take my dog for a walk.  I smile at my boys as I pull out my refrigerated case of sliced vegetables and fruits, diced cheese, sliced turkey and individual waters.  I hand them each their organized dinners and ...

Oh, wait, that's not what happened...

They started arguing over that damn video game, I got a head ache and realized I hadn't eaten since 11am lunch.  One slapped the other as I yelled at them to stop and pulled through a drive through.  I ordered three burgers, fries and drinks.  Here's your bag, your bag and my bag.  I slammed that burger down my throat as one boy ate his fries and the other spilled his on the floor and smeared the grease on the window.  I pulled into the Slap n Shear to get their hair cuts and tell them they have 30 seconds to finish their food.  Bam! Bam! Bam!

We leave the car, they get their hair cut, we see their teachers, ohh and ahh, I go shopping, walk the dog and fall exhausted into my bed.  Did I even eat dinner tonight?

So, that's it ... my theory on why people are fat.

We are BUSY.

Life is hectic, children are hard, and we have too much to do in a 24 hour period to ever do everything we need to do by the time we fall into bed.  Let alone get a massage, have sex and get my hair done!

I wish I was the Mom who had time to dice the fruit, vegetables, cheeses and meats - put them in neat containers and have kids eat them without spilling.  I know those Moms are out there somewhere, but it's not me. Even better, let's do that but at a picnic every night on the beach as we watch the sunset and find cool shells.  It just doesn't happen.

We are all busy rushing to this and that and let's face it, fast food is quick and easy and relatively cheap. The thought of trying to juggle driving, a phone call, the radio and a salad with a fork just isn't realistic.  Ok, I exaggerate, but you get my point.

How do we fix this?

Unfortunately, it's all about planning.  And, that's not easy for any of us busy people, now is it?  Planning our meals, planning our days, carrying healthy snacks in case we need a pick-me-up.  Crock pots are good for this if you can prepare the meal in the morning.  Maybe you can do your shopping on the weekend?  Maybe the hair cuts can wait until a night you don't have to go to the school?

Anyway, that's my theory... I could be wrong, what do you think?

Challenge of the Day:
Evaluate your life... your schedule ... your planning.  Can you make changes to allow yourself to plan your meals or exercise routine?  Also, living this way may allow you to have some "me-time" and de-stress from the hard day at work and commute. You may find if you evaluate your life and planning that your schedule opens up for you to allow for more nutritious meal planning, exercise and de-stressing.  Until next time ...

!@#$% Salads

  Just once .... I'd like to feel this way about eating salad.  But, honestly, when I eat salad, I look more like this ...

I don't HATE salad.  I don't.  But, I've always been the person that smothered it in Ranch dressing just to push it down. And, as I've said before, give me the choice of salad or spaghetti and the pasta will win every time.  I don't look at salad as a MEAL.  To me, it's an obligatory part of a meal.  I have never, ever looked at a salad and started salivating.  Ever.

But, facts are facts, aren't they?  As much as I hate to admit it, there is a place for salads in my life.  They are full of vitamins and healthy for your digestive tract.  Yawn, sorry.  They are also low calorie as long as you don't smother them in Ranch.

I no longer eat Ranch, by the way, except on rare occasions (if they have diced eggs on the salad bar, I'm a goner as I love them with Ranch). As I've said before, it's about taking steps, making changes and learning to adjust to a healthier you.  So here's what I've learned ...

1. Adding hot chicken to a salad is actually really good.
2. Topping off a salad with feta cheese is fantastic.
3. Finding the vegetables you actually like (instead of picking out all of the mushrooms, for example) and making your salad with foods that are actually tasty to you make a difference.
4. Adding a salad to a meal regularly will help you eat fewer calories during the meal.
5. Find a dressing you can actually eat that is low calorie and that you like.  Forget lemon on your salads.  I mean, yes, it's low calorie, but taste has to be in there somewhere, right?  I don't mind a low fat cottage cheese on a salad, though. But, on a day-to-day basis, I came up with the following dressing that is low calorie.  

Beth's Easy !@#$% Salad Dressing

Olive Oil

Red Wine Vinegar

Honey Dijon Mustard

Garlic

Salt & Pepper

Mix so it tastes good to YOU, but here's an example of the proportions:

1 tsp Olive Oil

1/4 c Red Wine Vinegar

2 tsp Honey Dijon Mustard

1 tsp minced garlic

Salt & Pepper to taste

Mix it up and pour over your salad.  That's only about 67 calories.  Compare that to Ranch and you come away with a low calorie, yet tasty alternative, if I do say so myself.

Photo Credits: Girl: www.tumblr.com, Cat: www.edeneatseverything.com

Challenge of the Day

Start eating !@#$% salads.  Yes, I'm serious.  Find a way to make them part of your nutritional health.  You will fill up a little better, help regulate your digestive tract and get some vitamins as well!

Rules

They spend all summer getting ready for the new year. They put up posters encouraging students, giving direction and yes, defining the rules of the classroom.  When the students walk into the room, they know right away that they are not walking into a playground.  This is not fun time, friends.  It's time to get to work. It's time to define the rules.

#1 - Keep track of your nutrition on My Fitness Pal (or something similar) and log daily regardless of whether you did well or not that day. Feel free to "friend" me.  My My Fitness Pal name is "beth4dieting."  Just keep logging!

#2 - Meet your caloric goals 80% of the time leaving yourself the other 20% to be human.

#3 - Exercise at least three times a week.  Cardio should be part of each work out.  Then, either isometrics or light weights.  Remember that to tone but not bulk, you should use light weights with more repetitions.  For example, bicep curls with 15 lbs, 3 sets at 12-15 repetitions per set.  Rest for a minute between each set. I will be having some blogs showcasing specific exercises, especially my bathroom exercises coming soon.

#4 - Develop your own rules of your house.  No, I don't mean the ones your kids abide by but the ones that you will abide by.  The following are some of my personal rules:

• Don't keep ice cream in the freezer.  It's too easy to snack on.  If you really, really want some ice cream, go get an ice cream cone.    Or, bring home a tiny container of ice cream and enjoy every bite in that one snack.  Don't do this often.
• Eat off smaller plates instead of large plates.
• Only eat one plate of food.
• Do not buy sugary drinks.  Stick with water, orange juice and fat free milk.
• Drink diet sodas.
• If you eat spaghetti and meatballs, invite me over.  GOTCHA!  Actually figure out where your weaknesses are and develop the rules to make them work in your life.

Having rules gives you structure.  Developing your own set of rules, makes you the owner and controller of your health.  

Challenge of the Day:

Develop the set of rules that will provide you with the ownership of your own health and in turn, destiny.

Special Thanks:

Special thanks to all of you readers, but I want to specifically thank the people in Germany.  It is amazing to me that people are reading my blog world wide.  I am partially German and I appreciate your support.  Vielen Dank für das Lesen meiner Blog!

You can lead a horse to water ...

My hands work as if they have a mind of their own as I cook Thanksgiving dinner.  The bird is buttered, rubbed and baking to a beautiful golden brown.  The eggs have been boiled and I am making my deviled eggs.  "Good thing I made a couple extra," I think. as I pop one into my mouth.  While putting out the dishes, I dip a carrot into some hummus.  I know that sounds weird, but try it, it's good (as are peppers).  I lather my angel food cake with whipped cream frosting and enjoy a mouthful as I do.  Don't mind if I do!  Potatoes are mashed and filled with sour cream, pepper and butter.  Let me try a bite to make sure it tastes right.  Sure does, let me try another - I might even dip a roll into them.  When I finally make it to the table, my stomach is telling me that I'm not really that hungry.  But, hey, it's Thanksgiving so I pile up the food and begin chowing down.  Good Lord, I make a good turkey and gravy!  I start to feel the weight of all of this food in my stomach and eventually put down my fork.  Then, I wait a little while and get some pumpkin pie with whipped cream ...

Does this sound familiar?

All the snacking that nobody sees COUNTS.  You may not think so at the time - hey it's just an EGG - that's not very fattening.  But, it counts.  If you aren't careful, a nibble of this and taste of that and pretty soon, you just don't need another bite, but you take one any way.

Accountability.

Ownership.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink...

How many times have I heard, "Well I tried <name your diet you tried> but it didn't work.  Then, I tried <the other one you tried> and it didn't work" and so on and so on?  It's not the diet that doesn't work.  Sad to say, it is us Fat Chicks that give up on eating more healthy and exercising regularly.  The diet may have been hard (Prism was the hardest thing I've ever done for three grueling weeks before it didn't work and I returned to my previous habits) but in the end we do that, right?  Go back to fast food, don't measure our salad dressing and eat ice cream.

Taking ownership of your nutrition and exercise routine is the only way any "diet" will ever "work."  If you can admit that the reason they didn't work is that you stopped working it (withholding issues with the program itself - like Atkins ALWAYS got me sick by day 3), then you can take ownership of what you are doing with your body.

Once you take ownership, you will start to control it better.  You will "be the boss" of your nutrition and exercise.  You will "make it work."  That's why I take things in steps.  Jumping gung-ho into a program (and someone else's mindset) is difficult at best.  Take the steps to figure out what works best for you. Reduce your portion size, drink more water, (gag) eat more salads, and exercise.  Once you start taking ownership, it will finally "work."  Not because she said to, or he thinks you'd be prettier if, or that kid in third grade that said those horrible things, or  your class reunion/wedding/whatever coming up.  But, because you want it badly enough to own it.

Hand in hand with ownership is accountability.  You need someone you can talk honestly with - that will be an ear to hear you on good and bad days.  This person should cheer you on, lift you up and motivate you.  This person may also offer advice on where he/she sees you stumbling and hopefully offer guidance on how to get back up.

You can also do self-accountability with programs like My Fitness Pal or keeping a journal.  I've kind of put myself out there with this blog and on Facebook.  I give an update once a month and the support I've gotten back has been incredible. That's not for everyone, though...

Challenge of the Day:
Take ownership of your nutrition and exercise regime!  Be accountable to yourself and someone you trust! Until next time...