Sometimes, it's an arched brow as you take a bite, someone watching as you load your groceries on the conveyor belt, that guy or girl you like that never even blinks your way or your own judgment as you stand next to someone you think is <insert what you think they are here>...
Often times, we puff out our chests and say things like, "Screw them! I don't give a shit what they think!" But, it's rare that you find someone who truly doesn't care how other people see them. We all want acceptance at some level - whether from our families, friends, co-worker, boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses. It's normal and ok to want to belong, to fit in, even to look like everyone else. For god's sake, how many people wore the "Rachel" hair cut in the 90's?? Again, people were trying to fit in, to be cool, to hopefully look like Jennifer Aniston (yeah, I tried that - it didn't work).
You may have noticed by now that we haven't talked about how much food you're eating, how much you want to lose, or how to get rid of that nasty cellulite. We'll talk about all that stuff eventually, but to me, it's not the priority. Because being heavy is not just caused by eating too much food. For many people it's caused moreso by how they FEEL than any hunger pain. Lack of self-confidence will put a doughnut in your mouth faster than any hunger pain.
I remember once when I was married ... I had brought home Arby's for my family. Beef 'n' Cheddars are sooo good - BUT sooo fattening! Argh! Well, I no sooner walked in and my husband and I got into an argument. Bitch, bitch, bitch ... then he asked for his sandwich. I remember giving him a blank stare ... I had eaten MINE ... and HIS. And truth be told, didn't even realize I was eating his when it happened. Because I wasn't thinking - I was like a machine, an emotional garbage can. So, believe me, I get it.
I really have to watch when I get emotional - when I'm PMS'ing I have to resist "chips 'n' chocolate" for a week. When I'm angry, I can throw back a lot of food without even thinking. And, in the past this has led to (of course) a binge, purge and disappointment. Know what I mean?
You may wonder what I have done about this in my life ... Well, I do my best to surround myself with people that love me. You know when they really love you because you can trust them and you know that they would never want you to hurt. Good friends and family are my supporters. They speak encouragingly to me and I do to them. My core people - Ohm-ma, Big Bit and Kat - can talk to me about anything, and I feel the same. That doesn't mean they don't talk to me with concern over my weight. It's uncomfortable, but it's never mean spirited.
When I am in situations of being around people that I have little to no control on there being some sort of relationship between us (such as a co-worker), I do try and hang with those that I find to have the qualities I want around me. And, if they hurt me, I tend to pull away and protect myself. Believe me, I can fight back with the best of them - but I'd rather just concentrate on those I love and trust, over someone who's not healthy and judgmental. Same goes for boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses/partners ... if you are not treated well, you may want to re-evaluate the environment.
In the end, value yourself enough to guard yourself. Value yourself enough to have some boundaries on the type of people you allow close enough to stab you in the back ... or hug you tenderly. Value yourself enough that when you stand next to that person with the arched brow, looking over their noses at your Oreo's, to smile or turn your back and talk to someone worth talking to. But in the end, beautiful, beautiful fellow Fat Chicks ... value yourself.
Challenge of the Day
Evaluate those people in your life close enough to stab you in the back or hug you tenderly. Are the relationships healthy? Are you valuing your self-worth and establishing boundaries to guard your heart? If you're not ... figure out WHY NOT. Until next time ...
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